Ok, 50 Shades of Grey is a very real, very disturbing thing.  I mean, it’s fine for women to be into whatever.  But this is a manual for getting the shit kicked out of you.  And I’m not on board with that.

To that end, I’ve penned a Dr. Seuss-style version of the novel (having never read it, I had to rely on reviews elsewhere for my info).  I hope you enjoy it.  I think it’s sweet and melodic and something you can read to your kids at bed time.  Without further ado, I present to you:

50 Shades of Dr. Seuss

Anastasia went to college,

To college, She went.

To become a great journalist,

On success, was she bent.

She interviewed a man, Christian he was

Successful and wealthy and enjoyed a good buzz.

She wanted rough sex, you know S&M

But she didn’t quite know just how to ask him.

They had all their meetings real late at night,

For Christian was busy and a little uptght.

Anastasia dressed just like a slut,

And he couldn’t take his eyes off her lumpy little butt.

They met off and on many nights, maybe four

Till one day they could take it no more.

Christian chained her to the wall, let out a loud roar

And called her a dirty, filthy worthless, skankiferous whore.

He starts to push his body against her,

She gets to feel his rapidly swelling member.

He presses something into her gut

Is that a log , an elbow or his you-know-whatt?

She’s into bondage and spanking lots too

Christian is game, he’s never been a prude.

If she wants to get beat up? Then he won’t be rude.

A whooping she’ll get, I’m a generous dude!

They break out these toys of all shapes and all sizes

All colors, materials and she’s full of surprises.

They try them all and come to a halt

“Are you ready to try a Peruvian Somersalt?”

“A Peruvian what? Are you speaking in tongues?”

“I have no idea what the hell you want done!”

She pushes him to the floor, and spreads his legs out.

“Just wait for me here, I need a Roomba and a trout.”

With whips and with chains and with gobbleygook

They had sex, they made love in every cranny, every nook

The prodding and poking and stroking and moaning,

Left them both out of breath, except for some groaning.

When they were both spent,

She sat on his lap

“Ready to get after it again?”

And she gave his ball-bag a slap.

Winded and tired and full of self pity

Christian rose to the challenge, not one to just quitty.

He rolled her on over and straddled her pretty,

Then he hooked up the jumper cables to her left titty.

In a puddle of things more disgusting than not,

They rolled around in smegma, ball sweat and some snot.

He grabbed a shoehorn, a kerfluffle, a Krups

Then shoved them in her ass, while she yapped like a pup.

He drew back a fist, wrapped tight in his shirt

Leaving no marks, but making damn sure it hurt.

She howled with a scream and a seductive sweet smile

He hadn’t quite noticed, she was about to get wild.

Thrown to his back, on the floor with a splat

She squatted above him and on his chest, she just shat.

Using pointed high heels to puncture his sac

That’s when she reached for the car’s tire jack.

Christian was kinky, of that he was sure

But a hydraulic jack? What could that be used for?

He didn’t wonder long, she went right to work

With a slam and a bang, up his ass it did jerk.

With his ball bag on fire and his anus impacted

He screamed like a girl. How would YOU have reacted?

She giggled and smiled and laughed at his pain

“Sit back down you little bitch, I’m gonna make it rain!”

And rain it sure did, even though he was flaccid

The burning got started with some battery acid.

His nipples were gone and his pubic hair too

“Ready for more?, there’s three rounds not two!”

Crying and begging for this freak just to stop

She knocked out his teeth with a dirty old mop.

A broom in the room, was just within reach

A lesson to his scrotum, Mr. Clean did just teach.

Whackity Smack. Smackity Whack.

A beating, a clubbing an awful ker-shmack!

Smackity Whack! Whackity Smack!

“That bitch lost her mind, she just broke my back!”

Rough sex is a game, for others a horror.

But Soccer Moms, well, they all just to adore it.

Read 50 shades, and see what you think.

But I’m willing to bet, your Mom’s into kink.

Original Article

[caption id=”attachment_2571” align=”aligncenter” width=”265”] Bartender Isaac. Not an asshole.[/caption]

I am not in an area directly affected by Hurricane Asshole Isaac, let me make that clear up front.  I feel sorry for those who are directly affected and don’t mean to make light of their troubles.

[caption id=”attachment_2572” align=”aligncenter” width=”262”] Hurricane Isaac, even looks like an impacted asshole.[/caption]

That said, however, this hurricane shit has to go.  We’re on the fringe areas of the hurricane and the weather has been goddamned miserable.  Humidity to the point you have to swim out to the mailbox, downpours that last between 5 minutes and all-f*cking-day, and the heat.  It’s pushing heat on us like we’re being slow roasted alive.

I mean, seriously.  These things have got to stop.  It’s awful for Louisiana, who apparently insulted God one time way back when, and now gets a nature enema every year or so.  So that’s one very good reason to end this shit.  Seriously, if God is smiting them, I think they got the point.  I’m pretty sure you’re more than even with them for whatever they’ve done to piss you off.

For those of us just enduring the hell-like sauna caused by the hurricanes, I can only say “Yeah?  Well F*ck you too!”  I’ve had enough.  We need weather that makes human life possible and even maybe a little bit enjoyable.  This horseshit is, well horseshit.

If science can create an adult diaper that doesn’t bind, leak or feel like a diaper, then they should be able to do something about our weather too.  And I demand we start putting effort into eradicating hurricanes.  NOW.  Like, right now.

Original Article

[caption id=”attachment_2567” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] This show is worse than any shitty TGIF Sitcom from the 90’s.[/caption]

Have you had the opportunity to see Investigation Discovery’s show “Nightmare Next Door”?  If not, count yourself lucky.  This is goddamned awful in every sense of the term.

The website describes the show thusly:

How well do you know your neighbors? NIGHTMARE NEXT DOOR tells the tales of mysterious murders from behind white picket fences that rocked Middle America. Interviews with investigators, prosecutors, family members and/or neighbors piece together the twisting tale of a classic whodunit, and forensic experiments lead viewers into the heart of the investigation.

MIDDLE AMERICAN MURDERS ONLY YOU GUYS!  Screw you people on either coast.  This is about MIDWESTERN DEATH AND DESTRUCTION.  Oh it’s horrible.  I mean, not to belittle the tragedies, because I assume each case is based on a real life event.  However, they pull the old “America’s Most Wanted” trick, and re-enact the scenes from the police files.

The difference is, they’re ridiculous.  Each and every suspect throughout this hour of pure stupid will turn and freeze frame for the camera.  He’s looking into your soul!

And then you have the narrator who uses metaphors and similes like they’re his life’s blood.  No, you don’t understand.

In the show, they might say the police were stumped.  Fine, I get it, they were out of ideas and leads.  Yes, good enough, let’s move on.  Right?  WRONG!  This is where the narrator takes on the persona of “The Smoking Gun Presents America’s Dumbest Dummies” or some such shit.

He actually will say, “The police were stumped.  Like a tree that was just cut down to barely above ground!”  You know, leaving a STUMP?  Oh it’s f*cking horrid.

Anyhow, that’s what I’ll be writing about now in place of WWE’s Monday Night RAW until they come to their senses and go back to two-hour shows.

Tune in tomorrow!  Like a guy tuning a violin.  Or something.

Original Article

[caption id=”attachment_2563” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] Bleh Bleh! Ve vant to suck your blood! Bleh, Hon![/caption]

Yes, finally.  The Baltimore Ravens and their obnoxious-ass fans will get what’s coming to them.  BATS have invaded M&T Stadium , well one bat but still, and they believe it might be carrying RABIES!

GOOD!  Bite Ray Lewis.  And Flacco, that dipshit.  Seriously, this could only be better if Jerry Jones new shrine to the Cowboys and Romo were to be invaded by Zombies or the Patriots had to fight off the Sharktopus.

This thrills me to no end.  Maybe attendance will drop?  No, sadly it won’t.  Most Baltimorons are high on Heroin anyways and if a bat were to bite them, it would not only get a contact high, but probably 15 different and distinct STD’s.

Still though…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Original Article

[caption id=”attachment_2558” align=”aligncenter” width=”238”] Unlike many WWE performers, I know when to quit.[/caption]

I’ve written faithfully every week for almost six months, recapping the stupidity that is WWE’s Monday Night RAW.

Since they’ve gone to their expanded three-hour format, I’ve found that I simply cannot stand it anymore.  It takes entirely too long to watch through with the extra hour of recaps and commercials they’re running, and frankly, it’s getting stale.

Same feuds, same storylines, nothing’s moving nobody is getting elevated.  It’s stagnant.

Maybe at some point in the future I might rekindle my interested and resurrect this feature.  But for now, it will cease.  I’m sorry to the one person who actually stops by to read it from time to time, but it’s for the best.

I hope to begin a series on another shitty show called “Nightmare Next Door”.  Stay tuned!

Original Article

[caption id=”attachment_2554” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] Panic time! Redskins aren’t world beaters![/caption]

Oh my god!  OH MY GOD!  HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!  The season’s already over, the Redskins looked terrible in every facet of the game last night and OH MY GOD what happened to the revival of glory to the Washington Redskins that Robert Griffin III was supposed to bring to us all by himself?  Why does God smite us?

Oh shut up.

As I’ve stated before on this blog, I’m a lifelong, long-suffering Redskins fan.  Have been for as long as I can remember.  I was there for the glory years under head coach Joe Gibbs, and I’ve been there ever since the dark days of Dan Snyder purchasing the team.

The Redskins made many upgrades over the last two seasons, including drafting College Stand Out Quarterback, Robert Griffin III.  He is being touted as the savior.  The Football Jesus in Landover.  (yes, Landover, MD, not Washington DC  keep up with me here.)

So, in their first preseason game, after an offseason filled with hopes and hype and rainbows and unicorns, the Redskins traveled north to face the Buffalo Bills.  This world-beating game ending in a 7 -6 Redskins victory.  Yes, it was THAT exciting to behold.

This week, however, they had to face an actual NFL team in the Chicago Bears.  After having praise heaped upon him by coaches, media and fans alike, Robert Griffin III finally faced a quality NFL Defensive unit that gave him a challenge.  And in true rookie fashion, he struggled.

His struggles weren’t entirely his own doing, however, as the pass blocking offered was sub-par.  The Redskins, under head coach Mike Shanahan, have yet to field a starting offensive line that wasn’t peppered throughout with reserves and back ups and “oh shit, we need a guy” kind of players.

RGIII attempted only 8 passes in the first half, completing 5 and scoring no touchdowns.  He was hurried, rushed, and flushed out of the pocket.  Welcome to the NFL!

So, as a Redskins apologist/supporter, is it time to panic?  Are we facing another dismal season full of disappointment?  Probably.  Is that because of our new starting Quarterback?  Not really.  I mean, sure, he’s going to cause a few turnovers and maybe even a game or two, but he’s a first year player with more responsibility and expectations heaped upon him than any one man should have to endure.

I say it’s not time to panic.  Pre-season games are very plainly schemed and played.  They don’t institute their playbooks for the most part, and in a very vanilla game plan, defenses are able to see what’s happening before it happens.  They also have so many backup players and roster-hopefuls on the field, it’s not a fair gauge to go by.

I say let’s wait it out and see how they fare in the next two games.  If there isn’t some steady improvement, we can revisit the idea of panic and despair.  For now, be glad that they have suffered a challenge and have film to review so they can honestly assess their weaknesses.

Original Article

Look, I went out of town this weekend and I’m struggling to catch up around here.  For the four or five of you who give half a shit, I’ll be posting the Raw Regurgitation sometime on Wednesday this week.

I’m sorry for the delay, truly.  But it’s been a rough day today and I just don’t have the energy to suffer through 3 hours of this shit on a Monday night.  I will get it done by Wednesday though.

In the meantime, just assume it sucked.

Original Article

[caption id=”attachment_2530” align=”aligncenter” width=”238”] RAW - One Hour Longer! Because we couldn’t fit enough commercials into a two-hour show.[/caption]

RAW happened again last night.  The third installment of three hour shows.  I’m still not sure if I like the extra hour or not, considering we’ve had all of three shows to try it out so far.

Show #1,000 was good, show #1,001 was barely better than awful, and show #1,002 was, well pretty good to be quite honest.  I still found things that irritated the living piss out of me, but that’s to be expected when you have 17 monkeys with typewriters creating your scripts.

It was also supposed to be HBK Appreciation Night in San Antonio, but to the WWE’s credit, they saved most of the self-fellating for after the show went off the air.  I mean, we still had to endure an HBK segment in the ring where he’s just so honored and so thrilled and so taken aback and so gracious you guys!  But in the end, it wasn’t a show killer.

You see, the way I rate these shows is by how much of it I actually enjoyed compared to how much of it tried to give me brain hemorrhoids.  Surprisingly enough, and much to my chagrin, there were only a handful of things that really irked me, and the rest of the show was of good enough quality that I could over look them.  That doesn’t mean I’m not about to be an asshole anyways.

Let’s get started.

[caption id=”attachment_2531” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] I really don’t care if the theme ISN’T dubstep, that’s what I’m calling it.[/caption]

So, we’ve managed to get rid of Nickelback, but now we’ve got something more akin to Dubsteb as an opening song.  Why is this so hard?  Get a song that’s more like stadium rock and less like Bieber Gone Wild.  Can we do that?

And the show opens up with AJ being welcomed by the Universe.  AJ, in turn, welcomes the Universe to the show.  Everyone’s feeling pretty welcomed about now.  And she’s announcing matches for the evening:

• Randy Orton to face Big Show
• Daniel Bryan to face John Cena
• and then Punk comes out to demand respeck!

And they have this back and forth thing where Punk isn’t sorry for anything he’s done.  If he’s sorry for anything he’s done it’s that he hasn’t done anything sooner.  I really don’t know what the hell he said, it was all stupid to me.  All I know is that he:

1. Wants Respect
2. Deserves Respect
3. Will forcefully take Respect
4. Respects the Pouch

[caption id=”attachment_2544” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] CM Punk and Aretha Franklin Together for the First Time, At Last![/caption]

As much as I like Punk and as good as he can be on the microphone, I just want him to wrestle.  That’s what he’s best at and that’s what you should do with him.  A lot of people will disagree with me, but I can’t help it if they’re wrong.  Punk trying to be an angry whiny heel now just seems disingenuous to me.

So anyhow, Cena comes out.  Crowd chants their Cena chant and goes into preachifying Cena mode.  And then Big Show.  But AJ puts the brakes on this shit quick.  No fighting at her wrestling show!

So, because we haven’t heard Twitter or Tout or Myspace yet, we have a Universe Twitter-vote as to who Punk should face, after the commercial break. Should it be:

• #PunkMiz  (The Miz if you couldn’t figure that out)
• #PunkKane  (Kane, they mean Kane)
• #PunkRey  (That’s Rey Mysterio you guys.  Not some future laser weapon that attacks greaseballs)

Now’s your chance to TWEET before they wait 3 minutes and take a 3 minute commercial break.  We literally watched the arena crowd for 3 minutes before we went to commercial.  I guess they really wanted to see you guys do some Tweeting.  I hope you all voted for #PunkDoink instead.

Lawler about ruined his shorts with his Tweet enthusiasms.  He had a Tweetgasm.

Commercials

[caption id=”attachment_2532” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] NO SOLDIER LEFT BEHIND![/caption]

So, did you guess who Punk would be facing?  Do you think it matters what you Tweeted?  It was Rey Mysterio even before they put the options up there.  You’re not going to have your newly turned heel face another heel champion, so Miz was out right away.  And Punk/Kane has been done, with Kane wanting to be an Anger Management Coach (CHARLIE SHEEN YOU GUYS) to Daniel Bryan.

And it was a match.  I mean, they’re both good and they worked their asses off for our enjoyment, but I feel like there was no reason for it other than to put the good Mexican luchador in the ring in San Antonio.  You know?  Match quality was very good, match purpose?  Not so much.

At one point Lawler mentions this nugget about Rey Mysterio.  37 year old Rey Mysterio.

There has never been a more popular star than this young man.

No?  Well you’re the expert. And young?  Maybe it’s relative, Lawler’s got to be turning at least 300.

[caption id=”attachment_2533” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] Yeah, Jerry, you’re right. There’s never been a more popular superstar than Rey Mysterio.[/caption]

So as this match goes on, they set up their commercial break by having Rey do the flying dick to the face seated senton to Punk outside the ring.  We come back and they’re still going at it.  Jerry Lawler is still calling Rey and incredible young man.

Jerry?  Have you been watching the show over the last, oh, decade or so?  You should KNOW Rey Mysterio.  Maybe they were dubbing his lines, and he was really saying “This damned wetback” the whole time.  Seems more in line with Lawler’s way of thinking if you ask me.

So anyways, Punk wins this thing and we see Alberto Del Rio pulling up backstage in his fancy shmancy sports car worth lots and lots of monies.

Another commercial hits

[caption id=”attachment_2534” align=”aligncenter” width=”260”] Product Placement you guys.[/caption]

As we return, AJ is staring at a pair of Black Converse Allstar Wrestling Boots.  I’m not up on my wrestling fashion accessories, so I don’t understand the relevance of that.  I’m assuming Hipsters are invading?

Alberto comes in to talk to AJ about his not wanting to compete anymore until Summerslam.  She agrees with him, and he says “Good because that would be crazy if I had to compete.”  Uh oh.  He said the secret word!  AJ flips out and puts him in a match.  When does it take place?  NEXT!

And they do another commercial.  This is the shit that truly irritates me.  We come back for a 3 minute segment that does nothing but establish that the crazy chick is crazy.  That’s like telling us that water is wet.

[caption id=”attachment_2535” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] Truly an epic matchup with absolutely ZERO implications for either man.[/caption]

Coming back, it’s going to be Christian facing Alberto.  And this is another solid match.  One that doesn’t really further any stories or build any interest for either guy, but as pure wrestling entertainment goes?  Good stuff to watch.

Alberto even gets more heelish in this match by hitting Christian with his wrestling boot and applying the cross armbreaker to win.  Why don’t they give that a cool, ADR inspired name already?  Cross Armbreaker is generic.  Why now the Royal Enchilada or something good and raycess for people to get upset about?

And now, Sheamus is on screen standing next to the car that ADR didn’t bother driving into the arena for some reason.  He calls ADR “Berty”  and decides to borrow his car for a joy ride around San Antonio tonight.  This becomes a sticking point for Cole and Lawler for the rest of the show.

Literally, they spend more time debating if the car was “stolen” or simply “borrowed” than they do calling the matches in the ring.  Seriously?  F*CK YOU.

Commercials

[caption id=”attachment_2536” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] I’m gonna hug him and squeeze him and pat him and call him George![/caption]

Big Show and Orton are up now.

Lawler takes the time to remind us:

In case you missed it, RAW starts an hour early every week now!

If it starts an hour early every week, in about 4 months, you will be starting the show on Sunday night, Jerry.  How about you say:  ”RAW’s new start time is 8pm eastern”  Or, you know, just let people figure it out for themselves.  You’re really not helping anyone here.

As Big Show is wont to do, he slung Orton up on his shoulder, intending to ram him into the ring post.  As everyone Show ever tries this with is wont to do, Orton slid down off his shoulder and shoved Show face first into that same ring post.

It’s like Swagger trying a Swagger-bomb.  It NEVER WORKS FOR YOU STOP DOING THAT!

And we have a double countout.  Big show is pissed, Orton is pissed, they get back in the ring where Orton can at least hit the RKO to make the crowd happy.  Um, Big Show?  Let me ask you a question here, stay with me.

If you just signed an “iron-clad, big-money, guaranteed payment” contract with the WWE, why do you even bother wrestling?  Simply show up, when the bell rings, walk away.  EASY MONEY and instant HEEL HEAT!  Quit being a tough-guy, and be a dick.

Commercial

[caption id=”attachment_2537” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] The Top of the Food Chain is still hungry. FEED HIM MORE![/caption]

It’s RYBACK vs Hawkins and Rex in a handicap tag team match.  Why is Ryback’s left eye all bloody?  Anyone?  Anyone at all?  Well, anyways, they do a little screen in screen promo for Ryback where he explains “Feed Me More”

Basically he says, welcome to the foodchain, feed me more.  I hope that cleared it all up for you.

Hawkins and Rex give Ryback some competition for this one.  It’s good to see he’s not just steamrolling his opposition each and every match now.  It’s also good to see he’s still as goddamn brutal no matter what.

Hawkins gets decapitated and pinned for the loss.  Ryback kicks all the ass.  I’d tune in for 3 hours of Ryback squash matches every day.

And they go to commercial AGAIN.  Seriously, there’s more commercials in this now than the Superbowl.

[caption id=”attachment_2538” align=”aligncenter” width=”200”] Nuh uh. Nope, no way. Not buying it. Don’t want it, don’t need it, won’t have it.[/caption]

SHIT.  AW and the Primetime Players are here to face Primo and Epico.  They start after each other before the bell, but then the bell rings and they decide to fight in the ring.

All bullshit aside, this match was bullshit.  NOBODY CARES ABOUT ANY OF THESE GUYS!  This is the WWE’s new “piss-break” match, since they’ve been real light on Diva’s matches lately.

As PTP does, they tried to walk out of the match before it was over, only this time Kofi and R-Truth came out in suits to make sure that didn’t happen.  Darren Young gets killed in the ring for the loss.  Again, NOBODY CARES ABOUT THESE PEOPLE KEEP IT ON SUPERSTARS DAMMIT!

Backstage, Ace Reporter Josh Mathews asks Damien Sandow to explain his actions last week in beating down the Funkasaurus.  Sandow says that dancing is for fools and women.  Uses big words and says You’re Welcome.

Commercials.  JEEEEEEEEEEEEZUS CHRIST.

[caption id=”attachment_2539” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] Just hold still, I’ll untie your shoe if you’d just hold still.[/caption]

The Funkasaurus is coming out!  YES!  But he never clears the stage, hell, he didn’t even have time to call his momma.  Sandow attacks from behind and gives him an incredibly brutal looking beatdown on and off the stage, trying to shatter his knees.

I’m hoping this sets up a feud between these two.  I think it would work and Funkasaurus needs something more substantial than JTG every week.

Back stage, AJ’s thinking.  Daniel Bryan shows up.  ANGER MANAGEMENT (CHARLIE SHEEN YOU GUYS) is mentions.  It will be Daniel Bryan vs. Kane at Summerslam.  I guess Charlie Sheen backed out or sobered up and forgot.  But still, ANGER MANAGEMENT YOU GUYS!

Commercials

[caption id=”attachment_2540” align=”aligncenter” width=”200”] Seriously, Kelly Kelly?[/caption]

Oh boy!  Kelly Kelly is back and Lawler is dry humping the announce table.  She faces the only other active Diva on the roster, Eve.  And Kelly wins.  And nobody really gives two shits.

[caption id=”attachment_2540” align=”aligncenter” width=”200”] Seriously, Touting?[/caption]

Somehow or another, we’re more worried about ADR’s car and Sheamus having borrowed/stolen/leased it from him without permission.  Sheamus, we’re informed, will be TOUTING on his tour of San Antonio later tonight.  I don’t give a f*ck.  QUIT TOUTING!

Commercials and we’re back to HBK in the ring.

[caption id=”attachment_2540” align=”aligncenter” width=”200”] Seriously, HBK Appreciation Night?[/caption]

HBK says HBK things and is joined by Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar.  They jaw about who’s going to win at Summerslam, Brock even speaks a little and everyone immediately wishes he wouldn’t.  Then HHH comes out and Brock leaves.

[caption id=”attachment_2540” align=”aligncenter” width=”200”] Seriously?[/caption]

Now Sheamus is still driving that stolen car and TOUTING apparently. And he touted us a goddamn song from the Alamo.  Sheamus, I love you guy, but please don’t feed into this Tout bullshit.  BA STAR and just say no to TOUT.

Commercials.

[caption id=”attachment_2541” align=”aligncenter” width=”282”] Bright Eyes is the prettiest pony! NO, Flitter Flutter is the pretties pony![/caption]

Chris Jericho is at the announce table wearing a Dolph Ziggler shirt that he claims to have in the trash.  Makes sense, doesn’t everyone just wear clothes they find in trash cans?

Dolph Ziggler will be facing Alex Riley.  A-Ry needs to get back on TV and be a thing again.  He’s a good guy, fun to watch with plenty of charisma.  In fact, I’ll take A-Ry and you take the Divas, the Prime Time Players, AW and Primo and Epico in return.

And they have a match, a really good match to be honest, though you wouldn’t know it from commentary.  They’re more interested in taunting Jericho or talking about social media.

Jericho decides to TOUT the match, and distracts Ziggler long enough for A-Ry to get the roll up victory.  Dolph isn’t pleased with losing via Tout.  That’s worse than losing to a midget while being dressed as a turkey.  Right Chavo?

[caption id=”attachment_2540” align=”aligncenter” width=”200”] Seriously?[/caption]

Oh, in case you thought they were done Social Media Whoring, they remind us that AJ used Twitter to set up the next match:  Kane vs. The Miz.  Seriously, social media can go straight to hell.

Commercials

[caption id=”attachment_2540” align=”aligncenter” width=”200”] Seriously?[/caption]

Sheamus TOUTS fella! And the match between Kane and the Miz gets underway.  Apparently Kane is bidirectional in his allegiances.  He’s been a bad guy for six months straight, now he’s a good guy?  WTF?

This match was good but Miz lost anyways.  To what end?  Who does that help in any way, shape or form.?  Your new IC champion losing to someone that’s not even in the title picture?  Who’s decision was this and why aren’t they being fired?

Another commercial break.  This is really sickening.  I started watching this thing on DVR an hour after it started and by skipping commercial breaks and “RAW REBOUNDS”, I’ve caught up to real time with over half an hour left in the show.

They actually returned from commercial to show us Sheamus returning the car in horrible condition and apparently sporting a newly baked loaf of Sheamus-Shit in the passenger seat.  It smells, fella!

And we get to the main event!  Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena!

[caption id=”attachment_2540” align=”aligncenter” width=”200”] Seriously?[/caption]

Wait no, more shit with that car.  ADR is mad you guys.  He’s angry.

Now Commercials AGAIN

[caption id=”attachment_2542” align=”aligncenter” width=”280”] YES YES YES! Kick, and turn and KICK and turn![/caption]

Cena finally makes it to the ring and the Cena chants start.  DB loses his shit and starts arguing NO NO NO!  Cena is tossed out of the ring and ignored while DB argues with the crowd about YES vs. NO.

And they literally took another commercial break.

We return to Cena dying a thousand deaths, but still having the energy to pull off the five moves of doom!  Now an interesting sequence takes place:

Cena applies the STF which is reversed into a “NO”Lock which is transitioned into an Attitude Adjustment.  And Cena wins, after being clinically dead at least twice in this match.

Overall?  A very very fun match, DB is always great and Cena sold for him most of the match until it was comeback time.  If you didn’t enjoy that match there’s something wrong in your head.

So, it’s over!  G’nite everyone, thanks for coming!

[caption id=”attachment_2543” align=”aligncenter” width=”300”] R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me![/caption]

SHIT.  Nope, here’s Punk.  Cena pushes him aside to attack a raging Big Show.  He gets Big Show up for the AA only to be foiled by Punk once more.  Punk then addresses Jerry Lawler telling him how truly awful and horrible he is as a human being and a commentator.  No arguments from me, Punk!

And then Punk kicks Big Show and Cena.  G’nite kids!  Sweet dreams!  B.A. Star and all that!  Tout Tout Twitter Twitter!

Again, this was a great show for the most part.  Some of the matches just didn’t make sense from a story point of view and Lawler is getting increasingly bad on commentary.  Otherwise, I had a hard time hating this one.  Oh and Social Media needs to die.

Original Article

[caption id=”attachment_2525” align=”aligncenter” width=”198”] For real man, just one hit. Help me find a vein.[/caption]

JEEEEEEEEEEZUS Christ, it’s about time for the NFL to get going again.  I’m fed up tired with watching everything that has nothing to do with football.  I’ve seen all of the NFL Draft coverage, the NFL Free Agency coverage, the Bounty nonsense with the Saints and for some reason, I know that Brett Favre is working with a local high school football team.

I don’t give a shit.  I really and truly, deep down in my soul, don’t give a shit.  I want FOOTBALL.  I want to hear about practices, game plans, and GAMES for the love of all that’s holy.  I’m so tired of the talking heads blathering incessantly about grading a team’s offseason acquisitions.  I’m sick to death of hearing about this player getting arrested, or anything to do with Rob Gronkowski hanging around with supermodels and not wearing a shirt.  Him, Rob, not wearing a shirt.  I’d be more interested if the girls were going topless.  And even more interested if Gronk spent time away from the media.  UGH, I’m Gronked out.

So now, finally and mercifully, the NFL pre-season is under way.  We’ve got training camp going on, battles for roster spots, starting positions and actual, factual FOOTBALL related stuffs going on.  It’s like an ice cold beer after long hot day of pleasuring swimsuit models in 100 degree temperatures.  It’s that refreshing.

So stick with me, as this season truly gets going, I will be raging hard against every stupid thing my beloved Redskins do.  At least it won’t be WWE related all the time.

Original Article

I am the most ridiculed, despised, ridiculously mis-labeled person in America.  Why is that?  I’m a white male, in my late 30’s who owns his own fledgling business and doesn’t subscribe to organized religion.  If I was religious, I would be somehow worse.

The only person you can safely pick on and dump your anger upon is the white man.  Don’t talk about African Americans, Latinos, Women, Gays or Lesbians though, that’s insensitive, racist, sexist, bigoted, discriminatory and just flat wrong.  These people have rights.  They’ve been oppressed.  And I won’t argue that fact.  These people HAVE been and in some cases often still ARE oppressed in some way, shape or form.  I feel for them all, I truly do.  But you know what? No matter what you think of me and my beliefs, I have the same rights you do.

I believe that you have the right to be who you are without worrying who’s going to try to make you feel miserable.  I believe you have the right to marry whomever you want to, and be happy.  I believe you have the right to choose where you shop and where you eat and what you watch on television and what foods you consume.  I also believe you have the right to disagree with me 100% on any or all things I believe in.

What I don’t believe in, however, is that you have the right to make me change to suit you.  In as much as I don’t have the right to change you to suit my beliefs.  I think we can all agree on that one, tiny, often overlooked point.

Chick Fil A has been under fire ever since their Septagenarian CEO made his comments against the LBGT community.  There have been protests, there have been boycotts, demonstrations and lots and lots of rage directed towards this company.  That’s your right if you choose to participate.  You are absolutely welcome to feel the way you do, and I don’t necessarily think you’re wrong for feeling the way you do.

I also think, you should step back for just a minute and realize that while you have your rights to feel the way you do, that this old man has the right to feel the way he does.  That doesn’t make it right, it doesn’t make it more palatable, it just states that he has the right to his beliefs.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I’ve heard the argument that the LBGT community shouldn’t have to endure ridicule for standing up for their beliefs.  Well, in a perfect world, they shouldn’t. But this is FAR FAR FAR from a perfect world that we live in.  And when everyone has a right to believe what they want to believe, to subscribe to a set of religious teachings (or not) and to have free will to make their own decisions, there is bound to be conflicting sides.

Should the LBGT community suck it up and shut up?  No.  Our African American community protested and demonstrated and fought for their equal rights in this country.  And it was a long, brutal, often bloody battle for them.  It was sickening, to say the very least.  But they didn’t give up their fight, and I don’t expect anyone else to either.

To that end, however, I also believe that it’s up to you to keep your fight going.  You cannot expect or demand of another human being to change their long held, often in-born beliefs just because you think they should.  It will take a long time to win your fight, and if you keep at it sensibly and with determination, you will win this fight.  I support you, even if I don’t always agree with you.  You simply cannot expect someone who was born into a society and religion that is dead-set against your lifestyle (I’m sorry if that’s the wrong word here) to up and change his mind because you don’t like it.

It seems to me that whenever someone is the underdog, they feel everyone else is closed-minded and not open to new ideas, new ways of thinking or simply hearing your side.  You’re also at fault.  You’re not willing to understand that these people who are against you, aren’t against you out of spite, it goes against EVERYTHING THEY’VE EVER KNOWN TO BE RIGHT.  True change takes a long time, and many of us out here are trying to change as fast as we can, many more have changed and even more didn’t need to change because they were with you the entire time.

That small, or not so small, section of society that’s against you will eventually lose their fight.  It’s inevitable.  But to lambaste each and every one of them that continues to oppose you, merely brings you down to their level.  Try acceptance, you know, that thing you’re fighting so hard for?  Accept the fact that some people simply WILL NEVER change for you, it’s just how life works.

Keep fighting for your rights through legal and moral channels.  Don’t rush into Chick Fil A and start berating the employees for working there, they might have no other option to support their families and themselves.  Sometimes you have to take a job because you need to earn an income.  Instead, direct your ire towards the CEO and those like him.  Organize yourselves and be smart about your attacks.

Boycotting Chick Fil A will never, EVER change that CEO’s opinions or beliefs.  Even if you put him completely out of business, he’s not going to wake up one day and say to himself “Hey, you know what?  I was wrong.”  Instead, he’s going to wake up and say “I was wrong to say it, but now I hate those people even more.”

You don’t win by ruining his business, at least not in any meaningful and long-lasting way.  You hurt the guy who’s hurting your feelings.  You’re not changing the way society and our politicians view you at all.

Simply put, you have a right to be happy and believe what you want to believe.  You have a right to live your life the way that feels natural to you.  So does everyone else, even if their point of view is 180 degrees the opposite of yours.

Original Article